10 Monologue Jokes for your Late Night Enjoyment & My Practice

If you read my bio you noticed that I’d like to intern for Late night TV or SNL and monologue jokes are relevant to both. I hope to one day work in that area and this is just me practicing. I hope you enjoy my jokes!

Here are 10 topical monologue jokes I came up with the last 2 days after reading through 2 am new york newspapers and metro newspaper and after hanging out on the VICE website. 


New high-tech buses are coming to NYC; they ‘ll have free wifi for riders. Governor Cuomo is saying it’ll boost productivity. But we all know we’ll just use it for Snapchat and Facebook.

Donald Trump will supposedly receive endorsement from Ben Carson. That’s like Snorlax the Pokemon joining the league of evil.


The US news and worlds report came out with a list of the best 100 places to live in the USA. Albany was 36th and New York 96th. It just makes me think what’s wrong with new York that people don’t like it? There’s a lot of trash on the streets. Rats bigger than cats, a ton of traffic. We deserve 95 at least.

this is what tourists see
this is what tourists see

There was a news story in Florida about a man that threw a live 3.5-foot alligator through a drive-thru window. When asked about why he did this the man replied:” I didn’t have any money only my pet gator, so I said here take em.” Yea I don’t know about moving to florida mom…

what a cute pet! cutie patuty!
what a cute pet! cutie patuty!

A new bill was passed by the city council which will force the naked women of time square to leave to for good. A teenaged boy was reported saying ” what the hell!!!”

60 million new tourists are expected to visit new York in 2016. In response, more hotels are opening up, looking to add 26000 new rooms. All that means for NY swingers is more places to have sexy time.


Cyber hackers were about to steal 1 billion dollars from the American federal reserve and Bangladesh central bank, but the crime was prevented when staff members noticed a misspelling of the foundation was spelled “fandation”… so you can hack but you can’t spell… geez, better luck next time dudes. (please don’t hack my website, I’m just practicing writing jokes. Thank you)

Vice reportedly obtained newspaper clips that suggest Donald Trump’s dad may have worn the KKK robes. You know what they say… the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at FreedomFest, Saturday, July 11, 2015, in Las Vegas. Trump said his comments about immigration have become a movement and has pointed to violence perpetrated by immigrants in the U.S. illegally to defend his stance. (AP Photo/John Locher)

One of Trump’s newest buildings is funded by immigrant investors. The Webster dictionary should add Trump’s picture next to hypocrite.

NBA veteran Nate Robinson wants to play in the NFL now. Hey, guys remember when Michael Jordan wanted to play baseball, and he did… Yea he sucked really badly. I don’t know Nate… check you before you wreck yourself. Really, they tackle the sh*t out of you in the NFL.

That’s all!!!


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