15 Monologue Jokes for your Enjoyment & My Practice

 

romelcreates

Hey here is the rest of the monologue jokes that I promised. Every day it’s a grind, practice, practice, practice. I have this genuine love for late night TV. It’s literally the best night cap to a long day. One day I’ll be writing on staff for one of them! I hope you enjoy my jokes!

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Apple_Logo_2015_03

The FBI and Apple are in a feud over access to the phones of criminals. Apparently Apple phones are difficult to hack, and the FBI wants the right to be able to get into phones. When we asked an Android developer to comment, here’s what he said “androids are super easy to hack so I don’t know “.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at FreedomFest, Saturday, July 11, 2015, in Las Vegas. Trump said his comments about immigration have become a movement and has pointed to violence perpetrated by immigrants in the U.S. illegally to defend his stance. (AP Photo/John Locher)

Donald Trump said earlier this week he was tired of debates and Fox responded by canceling the millionth debate. A liberal man was quoted saying, “that’s probably the only time I and everyone else finally agreed with Trump.”

I do not own this image it is from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/peoplesdaily/article-3496596/Open-wiiiiide-Hilarious-moment-hippopotamus-asks-zookeeper-pick-teeth-feast.html
I do not own this image it is from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/peoplesdaily/article-3496596/Open-wiiiiide-Hilarious-moment-hippopotamus-asks-zookeeper-pick-teeth-feast.html

There’s picture a going viral of a man flossing a hippo’s teeth. He most likely doesn’t know hippos kill more people than lions… Ignorance is bliss…

long-lasting-marriage

A woman in Texas was arrested for punching, hitting with a pot, and stabbing her husband in order for him to get out of bed. They questioned the husband afterword, and he said: ” that’s marriage right.” Ummmmmmmmmm yes, yes it is.

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Microsoft is getting some backlash after hiring women dressed as school girls for a conference party in efforts for increased diversity. That’s like waging war with feminists.

A nun was caught shoplifting in a local supermarket. This just comes to show you the thrill of robbery persuades anyone!

This image makes me feel calm...
This image makes me feel calm…

Pope Francis already has 750,000 Instagram followers. After just days of creating an account. Teenagers are saying he takes the best off guard pictures.

A woman from Richmond has received 14 tickets within 10 days for driving while using a cellphone. Her mom was quoted saying “That girl won’t learn till she get’s in a  near death car crash.”

A video was created featuring Emma Watson beat boxing for Lin-Manuel as he rapped. The buzz on popular hip hop websites is “look out for their new mixtape, Team Lin-Watson!”

"Huuuuuuuuuuge"
“Huuuuuuuuuuge”

The hacker collective known as Anonymous have vowed to expose what Donald Trump doesn’t want people to know and they waged “Total War”. I know Donald trumps first base of defense is to build a HUUUUUUUUGE FIRE WALL.

 
Caitlyn Jenner shared a photo of her with Hillary Clinton. What’s strange is that Caitlyn said she’d “never vote for Hillary”. Hillary must be wearing off on her, she’s always changing up her story.

 
Pornhub.com revealed that “leprechauns” searches jumped more than 8,000 percent on st patty’s day. I feel comfortable saying we live in a strange world…

 
Actress Jamila Majesty is suing Katt Williams for beating her for 3 hours and having five women put spells on her. There has to be one real reason behind these events…  cocaine…

 
A fox new’s anchor is saying Trump has an obsession with Megyn Kelly after Donald went onto Twitter and suggested a boycott of her show. You know what this reminds me of? A little boy with a crush and he tells everyone on the playground don’t play with Megan she has cooties.

DAVOS/SWITZERLAND, 27JAN11 - William J. Clinton, Founder, William J. Clinton Foundation; President of the United States (1993-2001); UN Special Envoy to Haiti gestures while speaking during the session 'A Conversation with William J. Clinton' at the Annual Meeting 2011 of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, January 27, 2011. Copyright by World Economic Forum swiss-image.ch/Photo by Sebastian Derungs
That’s right, Donald Trump suggest a boycott to Megyn Kelly show, some people are saying he’s obsessed with her, we asked Bill Clinton what he thought, and he said “She’s foxy lady.”

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE ROOTS!

hahahaa, Hope you enjoyed these Jokes!

Later!

(The images below do not belong to me.)

 

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