16 Monologue Jokes about Molly popping Grandmas, Bush, Anacondas, and More!

It’s about that time! Here are 16 more monologue jokes I have written. I hope you enjoy them!

 

SHE'S LIT
SHE’S LIT

The multidisciplinary association of psychedelic is thinking about using Molly to treat some mental illnesses. In other words, you might hear your grandma say, “I’m about to pop a Molly”.

rollercoaster

26 ppl were left hanging upside down on a rollercoaster after a bird landed on the emergency sensor. The park officials say it’s happened more than once, and they believe it’s the same bird… That’s one evil SON OF A BIRD!

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Apple released a much smaller phone, the SE. That just comes to show you after a while bigger isn’t better.

160116044130-el-chapo-sean-penn-breaks-silence-romo-lklv-00001808-large-169

Valeant, the drug company, is under investigation for the unusual relationship with another drug distributor. And just recently the CEO chair is vacant, and they are hiring… Drugs, unusual deals, multimillion-dollar business, sounds like a job for a cartel boss.

640_nicki_minaj_anaconda_1

A man threw a 10-foot anaconda into a sushi restaurant; I guess he was looking for those buns.

A shoplifter fled the scene of a crime after stuffing tools into his bag. He came back later because he forgot the 11-year-old boy he was babysitting inside. Talk about being your own Saboteur.

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A squirrel from Chicago was photographed eating a slice of pizza. When questioned about pizza rat, the squirrel wouldn’t comply. Um, I’m starting to believe these wild animals are part of a Facebook group where they are sharing their experiences of city pizza. They are trying to get to the bottom of the question, what city has the best pizza.

ya boy pizza rat
ya boy pizza rat

Mounties in Canada had to shutdown a highway to let a beaver cross it. An NYC rat was quoted saying ” wow look how they treat wild rodents up there, I’m moving to Canada.” ( New Yorkers: (silently) yessssssssss)

he's not even playing anything LMFAO!
he’s not even playing anything LMFAO!

 

A new study shows 1 out of 2 kids spends less than an hour outside. That’s less than prisoners who get two hours everyday. We asked a 16-year-old boy when was the last time he saw the sun, and he said “the sun?”

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

A Swedish women feared her cat would eat a pair of new born chicks, but released a video of the three cuddling, which has gone viral. She said she now feels relief. No, no, no, SWEETY. The moment you leave the house for the whole day, is when you’re going to find a small pile of chick bones.

gw-bush

George w Bush reportedly left a huge tip for the waitress that waited for him. Damn, Bush; you haven’t changed have you? You spent the tax payers money on wars and now you recklessly spending your own. You haven’t changed…

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A 65-year-old woman jumped into the ocean to swim after her husband who was on a cruise ship, after being separated from him. A traveler on the ship was quoted saying, ” damn that’s wifey material, I know for a fact my girlfriend wouldn’t do that, she can’t even swim.”

china sells cheap shit
china sells cheap shit

Another skyscraper fire happened in Dubai. They are saying they aren’t sure how it started, but  I have a feeling they’re just getting their electric wires from China.

A Minnesota company has a developed a gun that looks exactly like a smartphone. One click, it transforms, and it can fire two bullets. I guess that’s why all the drug dealers are now always on their phone…

A Santa Clara County sheriff used her credit card to purchase a security camera system because it would have cost 20 million and two years through the government. A feminist was quoted saying ” no cheapskate male sheriff would have done that. Stingy SOB’s (she aitn talkign birds either)

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On Easter Sunday, the Pope urged people to use their weapons of love. Too many that means our hearts but to an immature teen, that means something else….

That’s all folks! Visit my Youtube channel for some video entertainment. Follow me on twitter @romelr1

The images are pulled froma google search. I do not own them.

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